*FYI: this post is not a step by step or 4 things to do (BS) about how to handle the death of a friend.

Yesterday evening I received a Facebook message telling me that a friend had passed away…. …. …. ….

(RIP: Naomi Atkinson 1986-2014) …. …. the twilight hours seemed to barely move as my mind raced through past memories and I wrestled with the reality of death.

(RIP: Naomi Atkinson 1986-2014)

Death of any friend is exceptionally painful for numerous reasons.

To put it frankly, sometimes life is down right cruel and leaves us with unanswerable questions and pain causing us to emotionally feel as if we are going through HELL.  It’s within these moments that I’m sickened by useless, poorly timed, religious words some carelessly say during the hardest of times.  From being a victim of careless words, I’ve vowed to genuinely care with action / deed vs put on the right face and say the right thing.

As I reflect losing a friend…. …. the crushing blow of losing my second child prior to being born creeps into my mind like a horrifying nightmare once again!  I simply wished more would have not given nervous religious well meaning encouragement, disappeared, and have daily checked in…. Henri J.M. Nouwen, Dutch author and Catholic priest said it well, “When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

I hate to see a friend going through the pain of losing of a close friend or loved one and not being able to do anything about it as much as the next person – please fight to not say the assumed right thing and break it down to the most simple and true form: “do to others as you would have them do to you.”

Harold Kushner, American rabbi and author had this to said, “At some of the darkest moments in my life, some people I thought of as friends deserted me — some because they cared about me and it hurt them to see me in pain; others because I reminded them of their own vulnerability, and that was more than they could handle. But real friends overcame their discomfort and came to sit with me. If they had not words to make me feel better, they sat in silence (much better than saying, “You’ll get over it,” or “It’s not so bad; others have it worse”) and I loved them for it.”

Here’s to those who in the midst of not being comfortable or uncertain of what to say silently press in and sit in silence day after day letting a friend know someone is truly there.

RIP: Naomi Atkinson

My heart and prayers go out to all family and friends of those waking up to the pain of loosing a loved one….. Karen Gordley, Mike Gordley, Adam Gordley, Andy Gordley, Sarah Lee Jimenez, Jane Krause Ford, Noelle Gomez, and many many more….

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I’d be honored to hear your perspective and personal story about dealing with the death of a loved friend.